Yes, I am

This evening traffic was terrible.  I was rushing from a meeting to get the girls to take them for their Thursday “play therapy.”  I was so excited when I realized that I’d be able to pick them up at just one place… but I had planned to pick up Cava for dinner and there wasn’t time.  So I dropped A off for her half hour, and instead of waiting with R in the waiting room, rushed over to Cava for food for all 3 of us. R and I ordered, went to the bathroom, glancing at my watch, we were late.  I was telling R to hurry with the lemonade she was getting herself… I look up and a woman ~ my age, probably younger is smiling at me.  I smiled back, but it did seem a bit more familiar than to a random lady rushing her daughter through the  drink area at Cava.  So then she looked me full in the face and said, “are you Tim Gaige’s wife?”

Without thinking, I said “Yes.”  She said she worked with him, and she recognized R from pictures he showed her… that she still had some FB messenger conversations with him that she’s saved.  I introduced her to R, and said “this lady used to work with daddy!”  R beamed… she told her how proud he was of her, and how often he spoke of her, and also that she is such a brave little girl.  This interaction meant a lot to R, I could tell.  She talked about it back in the car.

I reflected.  She didn’t say “were.”  She said “are.”  She didn’t say “widow,” she said “wife.”  Really, none if it was true.  I haven’t been a wife in over a year.  But it was the brightest spot of my day.  For just a moment, to say yes.  To see the look on R’s face.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.  Do not hold back from saying his name.  It was a beautiful thing that happened in Cava today.  Raw, unfiltered, and beautiful.  Another person may not have wanted to speak to me.  For fear of upsetting me/us.  For fear of it being awkward – introducing yourself to a stranger.. and in that way…. They might have stepped back and whispered behind their hand to their someone, “I think that’s my former co-worker’s wife… He died……”

This stranger that I’ve never met, and may never meet again, she was the highlight of my day.

Don’t forget the impact you have on others, friends.  And say his {or her} name.  It feels good to know the impact {t}he{y} made on others besides your immediate family.  We want to hear how you remember.  37 years may have been too short, but he lived every one of them.  It is so wonderful to hear him remembered.  Don’t be afraid you will upset us.   We never forget.

For just that moment today… it felt good to say yes.

Author: marybethgaige

Mother. Sister. Daughter. Widow. Friend. Worker. Lover. View all posts by marybethgaige