A reminder… They can feel it too

It was a rainy day but we were mainly on the go… It was a difficult day. I was close to murdering my children in Trader Joe’s when I ran into a former colleague who offered a play date if I needed a minute…. At first I said no… I’d never met his wife and short of work, really don’t know him very well. But I was thinking about wrangling a 6 and 2 year old in the pouring rain while big sis played lacrosse and said ok. I dropped the littles off for playing and lunch. They had a good time. I hate to feel like I’m accepting charity because of my situation… But I appreciated it.

This afternoon R fell asleep on the couch while I was preparing dinner. She woke up and just cried. I held her at the kitchen table for a long time. When prompted she agreed she had a bad dream. Eventually, without prompting she said “I miss Daddy.” Post-bath we talked and I agreed I miss him. She said she wished he could come back every week, and I said I wished he was just here all the time. She agreed but said “but if THAT’S not possible, I wish he could just come back once a week. But I know that can’t happen.” Then she looked up at me hopefully, exactly the way she does when she says “I wish I could have a sweet after dinner but I know I can’t…” {Eyes beg me to contradict.} When I thought she felt better, I went downstairs to get A and D… then heard her sobbing. She just cried “daddy!!” Big fresh weeping sobs like she just found out… Like it had just happened. She FEELS that one. I comforted her as best as I could… told her I wish I could offer some comforting words but I’m pretty sure she will always miss him… I tried without saying it to tell her that it’s ok to feel sad. It’s ok to feel this sad.

This was out of character. I don’t truly know what triggered it. She never described “the bad dream…”

All I can think is that somehow she feels this time of year too, because she simply feels everything. It’s a good reminder to me. They can feel it too.

Author: marybethgaige

Mother. Sister. Daughter. Widow. Friend. Worker. Lover.

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