When my facebook memories came up today, they included our last Anniversary spent together… at Peterson’s Ice Cream Parlor and the nearby park.. with a ~ 6 week old baby, and a 3 and 5 year old! You are drinking a Peterson’s milkshake, pushing kids on the swing, getting on the seesaw with the girls, pushing D in his stroller. Deferred a celebration to an October Sunday when my sister’s family was in town for an Anniversary dinner. It was lame. And yet, I smile knowing that even if you ever could have known it was the last, you wouldn’t have wanted to spend it any other way. Ice cream, and the people you loved the most. The memories also included your wishes to me “to my lovely and talented wife”, a pic of me with the girls: “A family, three years in the making. Happy Anniversary to my wonderful wife.”
Now, I still recognize it on social media. I got flowers because I knew A would want me to have them, like if you were here! A friend and neighbor got me flowers! I broke out the wedding wine glass and a bottle of Chardonnay from the vineyard where we got married to toast to us.
It means a lot to me when people say, “Happy Anniversary.”
This one is a funny milestone. I miss you every single day. And there are times of year that are harder for me than others. Particularly the Mother’s Day to Father’s Day time and the Winter holidays. But this milestone. Somehow, to me. It’s still a happy one.
I recognize that the idea of a Wedding Anniversary is to celebrate another successful year of marriage! And yet, I can’t really do that anymore. Because really, for the last year, I haven’t been married. And yet, its still the anniversary of our wedding, and it makes me happy. All the memories do. It is a good day to hold them close to my heart.
As I said in my first Anniversary post, what an honor it was to be your wife. I miss you every day. Every day, in some way, I grieve your losses, my losses and the loss of you from our children’s lives – their losses.
But today, is a happy day. I am so touched when people say “Happy Anniversary” to me. Yes, its terribly sad that you are not here to celebrate it with me. But it is still our day. And to me, it is still happy.
Wherever you are, my love, Happy Anniversary.
I love you, always,