Anniversary

No marriage is perfect.

 

I know that.

 

And ours was no exception.

 

Recently, though, I was reminded of the concept of infidelity.  And that in some cultures or circles in the world, and even in the U.S., much as I hate to admit it, its accepted…overlooked… ignored for men to be unfaithful, and not respect women.

 

Being married to Tim, it’s easy to forget that exists.   The way he was, the people he surrounded himself with…

 

Tim and I were both terribly passionate, opinionated, stubborn people.  We argued about everything.  Sometimes, he felt I argued just to argue. Maybe he was right.

The last argument I remember us having was about the car keys.  Or rather, about me lying about them.

 

To explain: the keys to our SUV – which I primarily drive – had remote access keys.  This allows you to start the car, lock, unlock, open the back hatch without getting the key out of your bag, pocket etc., as long as it is close by.  But this feature requires good, working batteries.  Ours were both going, so we bought the new batteries, and I asked Tim to change them – he did it the last time, looked it up on YouTube, etc.  Weeks, then MONTHS went by where he didn’t do it and I was losing my mind.  With three kids in and out of that car all the time, the remote key was soooo missed, having to get it out to start or lock the car was driving me crazy.  And I just didn’t feel like figuring it out to do it myself. I finally got tired of waiting and just stopped at a Battery place near work and had it done.  I didn’t tell him mostly because I thought it would be entertaining to see how long before he noticed.

When he found out, he was livid.  I mean absolutely temper tantrum angry.

His reason – not that I had done this, but that I hadn’t told him.  I had purposely not told him. I had lied.  If I could do that, what else could I lie about, what else could I hide?  “It’s a slippery slope.”

 

Remembering this now I smile.  A sad, ironic smile… but still.

 

This was my marriage.  We fought about silly stuff, but never in a million years could I believe he’d cheat on me.   And now that I have access to his entire personal, physical and digital life, I know that to be true even more.   Nothing I found surprised me.  And he certainly had no time to prepare!

 

He was one of the best. One of the good guys.  His love for me, his remarkable, unwavering moral compass. His desire for the world to be a better place for his children. His desire for equality and social justice.

 

Yes, I was robbed of the life I planned.  But I know I am also in a way, one of the lucky ones.

 

My life with him was too short, but what an honor to be his wife.

 

Wherever you are, my love, Happy Anniversary.  I love you.